2002-02-27 - 4:26 p.m.

I just got a RightFAX email. These are usually telemarketing-inspired scams in the form of faxes: vacations, office supplies, supplemental insurance, printers -- that type of commodified depression. (Somehow the vacations always sound vaguely depressing, too: five nights in some sleazy hotel in Orlando? Yeah, that's my idea of a proper holiday.)

This one seemed different. I open them all up, even though no one's ever sent me a personalized fax via email. This one grabbed my attention, though. In bold, 72-point letters the headline read, over a menacing illustration of Uncle Sam (as opposed to a photograph, which would be quite a find): AMERICASTONER.

Hey, I'm not that bad, I thought. How dare they label me a... Oh, wait, this is an ad for toner.