2002-01-09 - 3:16 p.m.

International Noise Conspiracy, "Capitalism Stole My Virginity."

Not only is their name yet another sucky example of the tired "secret dossier," NORAD genre of band nomenclature, but their sucky music is derivative, too. And they're on Epitaph, a sucky label known better for bad Bad Religion sucky ripoffs (Ten Foot Pole, Pennywise) than for Swedish sucky angst. Brett sucky Gurewitz smartly realizes that the market for this sucky type of pre-packaged rebellion has been rather evenly split between the Blink 182 and Linkin Park sucky camps. So he goes the sucky pop route and unearths a band willing to sing in ridiculously earnest, emotionally gnarled, and humorously foreign-sounding sucky tones about like, capitalism, maan. Now with their sophomore effort, the Conspiracy carries about as sucky much of a sucky threat of making a sucky impression on music's sucky history as Oliver Stone does American history. Not a sucky bad listen, though: this band has sucky chops galore. Three-and-a-half stars.